Stay Curious

Do you ever stop to think what makes you feel and react the way you do? It can be strange to just think that most of my thoughts and reactions were all learned from my home life. Growing up I remember putting myself in any academic, sport, and music program just so I wouldn't have to be home. Becoming an overachiever essentially saved me from the disappointment I gained from home. It is strange to think how much of that has changed as I have gotten older. I guess sometimes even your family as much as they "should be" pure and loving in fact created so much of your first heartache. Not to go into too much detail, but thinking back to growing up I always tried to save people in my family... "save" I'll use the term loosely but I always wanted to see the devil in the brightest of lights. I always forgave even when I knew I would never forget, because its what family does. Isn't that beyond dysfunctional? How has it taken me this long to realize most of ever...

So now your gone and I'm haunted And I bet your just fine Did I make it that easy To walk right in and out of my life

Because when you feel something you know. Against all odds we still hope that what we thought we knew was true and still is.

once my beacon that made me believe that I was no longer lost but found.

When you finally come to the realization it may be too late, when you finally understand what your barriers were built from you quickly see your foundation changing. Your ability to adapt is quickly put to the test, in order to move forward and progress one must break away from that anchor, sometimes this is all we know. However we can create a new anchor not one created from your past, but one for your future. Nonetheless there is beauty in your transition, you're only human and collateral damage is inevitable, and sometimes you damage those dearest to your heart. -t

funny little share I guess making some minor upgrades to the PC soon. its just not fair how clean pubg looks on PC such a difference kinda hard not to migrate from console to comp. oh... excuse my mess. ps. my keyboards sexy.

Hedgehog's Dilemma "The phrase hedgehog's dilemma refers to the notion that the closer two beings come to each other, the more likely they are to hurt one another; however if they remain apart, they will each feel the pain of loneliness. This comes from the idea that hedgehogs, with sharp spines on their backs, will hurt each other if they get too close. This is analogous to a relationship between two human beings. If two people come to care about and trust each other, something bad that happens to one of them will hurt the other as well, and dishonesty between the two could cause even greater problems." thoughts?.... -- T

I guess you can say writing is my form of self expression many times in arguments discussions or sincere thoughts I can only truly demonstrate my feelings in written form. I struggle when it comes to letting it all out in a verbal form. I say things incorrectly I struggle to find the right words...I guess in most cases I have been able to deal or cope with things just by jotting everything down in journals and books fuck maybe even a post it. Sometimes well most times my mind runs absolutely wild, and I just cant really contain it. So here is my attempt to get it out if people read this or even follow it then they do, if not at least I can have a collection of my thoughts to look back at and maybe even a little thing or two from my past. -t