Creating a Monster

Do you ever stop to think what makes you feel and react the way you do? It can be strange to just think that most of my thoughts and reactions were all learned from my home life. Growing up I remember putting myself in any academic, sport, and music program just so I wouldn't have to be home. Becoming an overachiever essentially saved me from the disappointment I gained from home. It is strange to think how much of that has changed as I have gotten older. I guess sometimes even your family as much as they "should be" pure and loving in fact created so much of your first heartache. Not to go into too much detail, but thinking back to growing up I always tried to save people in my family... "save" I'll use the term loosely but I always wanted to see the devil in the brightest of lights. I always forgave even when I knew I would never forget, because its what family does. Isn't that beyond dysfunctional? How has it taken me this long to realize most of everything that has left me somewhat damaged was all initiated from my own blood. In order to protect myself I simply have to let go and just know what no longer is good for me. This concept that family should always be there for you fine, let that be but it doesn't mean you have to accept bullshit versions of love. I use to shield it with "I know BLANK loves me to the best of their ability" Well no, frankly that is just not good enough. I believe establishing standards with your family is of the utmost importance to remain balanced and to break away from dysfunctional cycles.